Ugly food

I hate insects.

You can argue all you like about all kinds of interesting roles that these creepy buggers play in the ecosystem, but at the end of the day, all I care about is that they’re vile, disgusting things that do nothing but cause me grief (ok… with the exception of the army of ants that clean my kitchen of food scraps. I, for one, welcome our new ant overlords…)

Yesterday morning, I opened a pack of pasta that had been stored in my pantry only to find out that it had been infiltrated by a bunch of dead insects that were keen on a bit of Italian food. My yes, it was disgusting. Fortunately, I made the discovery by tipping the pasta into a pot of BOILING HOT WATER! Which brings us to today’s topic: ugly food.

Now you’re probably thinking "pasta isn’t ugly!" Oh my dear friends, how naive and innocent your puny little minds. I was talking about the insects. Yes, that’s right. Boiled insect. Nah, just kidding. Sort of. Ladies and gentlemen, what I’m talking about today is seafood.

Have you actually taken a look at your nearest lobster lately? I mean, what are crustaceans, if not just great bloody huge insects? If you thought pulling the wings off flies was bad, what about tearing off the leg of your friendly neighbourhood spider crab and having a bit of a munch? One of my workmates was just telling me about his recent experiences with drunken prawns: take 1 batch live prawns, 1 x cooking pot filled with alcohol and combine. Leave for a few minutes until the little suckers get shit-faced, and then rend their heads from their bodies while they are still in their inebriated stupor, and eat of their juicy, alcohol soaked flesh. Yum.


Don’t even get me started on shellfish.