Idea: artistic feature for Pitt Street Mall

Pair of tits

Who wouldn’t want such a lovely pair of tits to grace our mall?

Pitt Street Mall is arguably Sydney CBD’s most popular spot for getting together. Yet in spite of the recent penetration of new and exotic foreign brands such as Zara, it still lacks a certain… sex appeal. To get to the point, what it needs is a defining feature, a landmark like the Maniquin Pis in Brussels, Belgium or the Malls Balls in Rundle Mall, Adelaide, which the people of Sydney can grab a hold of – from ‘bra boys to the blue mountains folk, and to help this great city keep abreast of trends in urban design.

Here’s the idea: Pitt’s Tits – a bronze sculpture featuring two small birds.

You’re probably wondering “why tits?” After all, they’re usually found in the Northern parts, and down here we’re more preoccupied with issues like whether Tasmania should be a bush or not (referring of course, to the very serious issue of deforestation).

But of course, Australia is a former-British colony, thus many self-professed “true blue Aussies” will have parents, grandparents and even great grandparents that miss the beautiful tits of their youth. Not to mention our immigrants – even though they might have come to love Aussie birds, still miss the tits back home.

And then there’s the Strine saying “useless as tits on a bull” – which obviously refers to how useless these birds would be in that situation because they mostly eat caterpillers, seeds and nuts – unlike the parasite eating oxpeckers, which would actually help by eating the fleas and other parasites, which just goes to show, even in language, tits are always on our minds and on the tips of our tongues.

But back to the idea, Wikipedia says that tits “are noisy and social birds” which makes a nice pair all the better as a symbol attracting attention, and even eye-catching, as long as they’re sufficiently large so that it draws your attention to them even in the midst of a crowd.

Despite how great this idea is, I’m sure there will be start opposition from those who would much prefer a local bird, and suggest instead an Abbott’s Booby, native to Christmas Island. However, this country’s already got an abundance of boobies from Abbott, which is why that thought can and should be summarily dismissed.

You’d be a fool to not like this idea.